Not gaining

I have a love-hate relationship with gaining.  It has not been a smooth ride.  I first started gaining back in 2010, when I noticed my metabolism had declined.  I went from 190 to about 240, then wasn't sure if I wanted to keep gaining, so I took a break.  Went back down to 220 or 230.  Then I started up again.  Eventually got up to 280.  Then, again, I wasn't sure I wanted to gain, so I stopped and went back down to 260.  Then just this summer, I started gaining again and again got up to 280, which is my all-time high.

As I blogged about earlier, I fear that I might have diabetes.  I just got an insurance plan, so I haven't seen a doctor yet, but will soon, to get a professional opinion.  All I know is that back when I was stuffing myself full of food (granted, that included a lot of junk food), I noticed all of the signs of diabetes.  Since I wrote that post until now, I have decreased my food intake, and particularly been careful about my sugar intake.  I bought a glucose meter and have monitored my blood sugar level.

Since I have made this dietary change, I feel much better.  I feel healthier, happier, and I have more energy.  Most of the diabetes symptoms that I noticed really strong before have gone, or only happen occasionally.

I've been thinking a lot about gaining recently.  And I just don't have any drive to gain at all.  I love fat.  I love fat guys.  I love my belly, as small as it is, and I wouldn't mind being fatter.  But I just don't want to eat as much food as I need to eat in order to get fat.  I don't want to eat a bunch of junk food.  My body just feels awful when I do.  I don't even want to overstuff myself on "healthy" foods.  I just don't like the feeling of being stuffed.  And my body doesn't react well to it when I do it day after day.

I no longer consider myself a gainer.  I don't want to put in the effort it takes to gain.  Perhaps as my body ages my metabolism will slow down even more and I will naturally gain without trying.  I would not be opposed to that.  But I am no longer trying to get fat.  It just isn't a pleasant experience for me.  It's very erotic.  It's hot, and it's really fun.  It makes my penis hard all the time.  It makes me jack off a lot.  That part's great.  But, everything else about it is just miserable.  I don't like the feeling, and I don't like having the diabetes symptoms.

I am an encourager, though.  I will encourage anyone who wants to get fat.  I'll even feed someone who's close to me.  I haven't fed or been fed ever in person, but I would love to.  I think it would be really fun.  I've done online feeding, and that just doesn't do it for me.  But if someone nearby wants to be fed, I'd love to meet up and feed him.  Thinking of making another guy fat is an extremely erotic thought for me.  I would love to have that experience.  It would thrill me to no end to fatten someone up as fat as he wants to get.

I do go through phases.  Certain times where I am obsessed with gaining, and other times like now where I have no interest in it.  There may be a time in the future when I decide to start gaining again, if I talk to my doctor and work out whatever I need to do concerning my diabetes.  But, for the time being, I will just be an encourager.  If you want me to rub your belly and stuff it full of food, hit me up.  It will make me very happy to do that.