The gainer's disease

My heart feels as heavy as my body looks.  I long for a larger body, a rounder belly, thicker legs, and wider love handles.  But I don't know if that dream will come true for me.

During the last week, I have noticed many things that I never really noticed before.  I would wake up pretty much every night dying of thirst.  I'd go drink one to three glasses of water and go back to bed only to wake up a couple hours later just as thirsty as before.  I've noticed that I am hungry all the time, even when I have eaten a huge meal and feel full.  My vision has started to be worse than it was before.  Once or twice during this last week, I have felt tingling in my hands, forearms, ankles, and calves.  One time during a feeding session on Skype, I felt my face tingle.

I am not a medical expert.  I do not know what all of these symptoms mean, if they mean anything at all.  But they are all symptoms of type 2 diabetes.  Since I see so many of the warning signs, I wish to go see my doctor and get a professional opinion.  While gaining is very important to me, my health is even more important and I will not allow my desire to be fat jeopardize my health in such a severe way.

It may be that all of these symptoms I have noticed have other causes and I simply happened to have noticed them all around the same time.  But it may well be that I have diabetes, or that I am pre-diabetic.  So, I wish to seek a professional opinion so that I will have a better idea of what is going on with my body.

If my doctor says that I am not diabetic, and that I am healthy, then I will continue to gain full force.  I will try to eat healthier foods, but will also make sure that my caloric intake is sufficient to gain weight.  However, if my doctor says that I may have diabetes, then I will take any measures necessary to control the diabetes the best I can.  If this includes losing weight, then I will lose weight.  If there is a way for me to gain weight and still control the diabetes so that it is not a major health concern, then I will do it.  But, if I need to lose weight with diet and exercise, then I will do that.  I want to take care of my body and make it last as long as it can.  It is the only body I will ever have.

So, until I hear from my doctor, I will be eating a roughly normal amount of food.  I'm putting my gaining on pause until I know one way or the other, and then I will make a more educated decision when I find out.

My heart is heavy for many reasons.  Yes, I want to gain weight.  But I am also a people pleaser.  I love making other people happy.  And chatting with guys on Grommr and talking about me getting fatter has made so many people happy.  So many other gainers happy to see my results, and so many feeders and encouragers getting excited about making me fat.  And their excitement makes me very happy.  I don't want to disappoint anyone by stopping or even reversing my gains.  I would love to keep gaining, for myself and for other people.

Please, if you have any information about diabetes--how to detect it, how to prevent it, how to deal with it if you have it, etc--let me know.  Leave a comment.  Let's help each other gain responsibly.